Recommended Reads | Unfinished Business

With Reshma about town, hustling and bustling to finish up her novel, even as her laptop’s on vacation at the repair shop, and me being lazy disorganized extremely busy, oh what the hell, it’s been hard to keep this space consistent. We’re sorry dear reader. We love you, you know that, and we sincerely appreciate your loyalty to our little blog. We promise to be more consistent here on out, even if it’s just RRs such as this.

Having spoken to lots of our friends, family and fans, we’re in the process of deciding how to take this space to the next level in terms of variety and versatility. But more on that when it’s set in stone and polished. Until then, keep looking in on us, sending us your feedback and hitting us up for a nice literary chat.

Unfinished Business

‘I could write a book about it…’ How many times have you said these words to yourself? It’s irrelevant what ‘it’ actually is. What matters is that ‘it’ is on your mind and you wish you could turn it into a full blown novel. Why, if EL James and Chetan Bhagat can do it so badly and get rich, you’re bound to do it well and get respectably richer! But we all know that competition in the publishing industry – already in a flux, dangling between foggy futures with e-books on one side, and print on the other. Moreover, you start a novel, or two, maybe even five until you realise that perhaps you’re not cut out for this. Or maybe you just need 10 years, more life experience and better writing skills.

Of course, you could die somewhere along the way, or get committed to an asylum before finishing your masterpiece, like many of the greatest writers of all time. Anything's good if we could only just join the ranks of Flaubert, Joyce, Steinbeck and Tolkien in their unfinished glory...

For you perusal and pleasure, a list of 9 Unfinished Novels by Great Writers by Publishers Weekly. It’s really cool to know that even the greatest have works that are incomplete, unpolished and come undone for various reasons. Although, please bear in mind before taking heart, these are still literary greats who churned out some of the most inspirational writing that stood the test of time. So there's still a long way to go, and lots of work to be done.

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The Man Reviews Fifty Shades of Grey

'If I hear one more mention of that goddamned book...' I said to myself the other day. And then Firdaus Variava meets me at a party and says, 'What's the deal with that Anastasia chick anyway?', making me backtrack at the faint whiff of opportunity. 'Why don't you review it for us? From a man's...' And just like that he was gone. Judging by the fact that I received this in my mailbox just a few days later, I'm guessing he zipped home, got down and (hopefully) dirty. Thank you Fido, for a man's perspective of Fifty Shades of Gray. (Readers: This is the last time we dedicate any space to the book. Promise!)

There was once a girl – we don’t know if she’s particularly hot, or if she has big boobs, because the author has clearly not written this book with the gruffer sex in mind – who falls in love with what could be considered the ideal man. He is gorgeous looking, obscenely rich, generous with said money, and loves her to bits. Only problem is, he likes to have sex in unusual and inventive ways. 

As a man, I was saying uh huh..nuthin wrong with dat. If you have the imagination, go for it amiright? As long as you treat the girl nice and stuff, she should be over the moon with this added feature of the relationship.
Nuh-uh! Not this girl. She keeps going on about dragging her lover from his dark place into the light, trying to bring him to her version of “normal”. Her version of normal relationships includes roses, romance, candlelit dinners and all that Mills and Boons stuff. She gets most of that from this poor fellow, but she just can’t wrap her head around the kinky sex.  Which, by the way isn’t really that kinky. It’s like, stuff your mother would find kinky. Or maybe your grandmother. There is a red room of pain, but most of the implements seem to be there only for decoration. Only some really tame stuff gets used.

So anyways, after unsuccessfully trying to change him, she dumps him. The end.

This whole novel has the sort of morality that only a repressed middle aged woman could come up with. It’s also filled with the sort of trite nonsense that used to pass for spiritual talk in the 70’s like - “her inner goddess” and “her subconscious”.

Oh puh-lease woman..we are so beyond that sh*t now.

By the end of it you just wish that Anastasia Steele would get her head out of her ass and see that this guy is the best thing that could happen to her. The constant drama, pathetic attempts to inject emotion into the whole thing, coupled with said tame sex scenes (which are numerous, but not very long) finally drive you to start skipping paragraphs in the hope that she will finally come around and there will be a happy ending.
But of course, the only conceivable happy ending would be if the publisher or author called me up personally, apologised, and returned the Rs. 250 that I spent on this book!

When Fido isn't reading women's erotica, he loves playing video games at work and spending time with his beautiful children whose shenanigans he records (sometimes) on his blog, Delirious Daddy 

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A Caterpillar Review | Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James

Pornography and Fifty Shades of Grey have a lot in common. They both sell sexual chemistry that doesn't exist. Yes, I may read like a pessimist here. But I also read erotica now, so that balances things out.

First of all, I'd like to congratulate EL James for bringing women's erotically charged reads from the hidden nooks and crannies of their bookshelves. I do believe there's potential for plenty more but we're still lacking recommendations. Reshma and I can help you there -- Little Birds and Delta of Venus by Anais Nin. Secondly, a congratulatory pat on the back to men who can now revel in their porn addictions because women have made a spectacle of their newest guilty pleasure. It's great to be on an equal footing, isn't it? More or less anyway.

Woman: Err... that looks tedious!
Man: Err... that looks expensive!

It's a good read, Fifty Shades of Grey. Until you reach the end and want to tear your hair out because a story that could have been told in 10 pages has been stretched into a trilogy. Who does James think she is? JRR Tolkein? With characters that are stereotypical and less than 2-dimentional, I don't see how the story of Anastasia Steele and Christian Gray can get any meatier in Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades of Freed. Also, can I confess? I just wanted Ana's character to stop describing the various moods of her "inner goddess" and proceed to BDSM already.

If you haven't read it yet, I guess I should tell you what it's about -- this is a review, after all. Anastasia Steele is just about graduating with a degree in English lit. She meets Christian Grey when covering for her roommate on an interview for her university newspaper. He immediately puts her down as a potential submissive -- he's fancies himself a BDSM dominant -- and tries to get her to sign a contract with neatly laid out "terms and conditions". Anastasia can't believe that a man as rich, handsome and successful as Gray is actually interested in her so she decides to have a go at it even though she, good girl that she is, hasn't been punished, let alone caned in her entire life. Needless to say she ends up whining a lot. So there you have it -- Mills and Boon meets plenty of sex that hints at dark chocolate but delivers vanilla with a hint of weird.

I want to say it's a lovely story about a relationship between two people -- a Bella-esque character and a billionaire who wants to own her without making her feel like a prostitute. The psychology of these characters reads like a nightmare, and not in a good way, but I am also curious to see how Universal plans on filming the movie without turning it into a really high budget porn flick -- I'll bet the men won't appreciate the story-line or the over-intellectualisation of the sex scenes.

So after all of this you probably think I hate the novel. That's not true -- I love to hate it! I haven't loved to hate anything so much since The Twilight Series, to be honest. It's like celebrating Christmas, Diwali and Eid on the same day.

Should you read it? Sure. Should you buy it? Nope! This one's best borrowed.

Post Update, May 28: A friend on FB just shared this link with me. It's an article from The New Yorker's Page Turner section called -- Fifty Shades of Grey: The How-To Class. The article itself is a good read but it's the comment section that really got my attention. It mentions, nay fiercely states that EL James' bestseller is "a poor copy of Story of O". There's another recommendation for all you new and shiny erotica lovers.  

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Fifty Shades of Rants

I ordered Fifty Shades of Grey on my Kindle the minute I read the first review published in the Sunday edition of a newspaper. How often do you see erotica glorified in the mainstream? Moreover, how often do you find BDSM mentioned, let alone discussed openly -- on television, online and in the papers -- in India?

The thing about romance and erotica is that while you're reading it, you allow yourself to believe that it's real and taking place in a dimension in which you openly acknowledge your need for escapism. But the minute the book's over, the questions start pouring in.

Why is this protagonist so lacking in confidence? Why is there so much talk of BDSM when all that's taking place is plain vanilla with a hint of dark chocolate? Why is there such a Mills and Boon spin to it -- Oh he doesn't love me, he never will, oh woe is me! -- when it's quite clear that he's completely smitten by her? I guess "my inner Goddess" hates female characters who don't believe in their own prowess, choosing instead to worship strong-willed men believing them to be way out of their league.

There are many schools of thoughts out there with varying opinions, arguments and rants about this novel. Good for you EL James! One of them comes from Sujata, fellow Caterpillar Reshma's Mum! Here's why she believes Flipkart should overhaul their 'You might also like.." software:

"I buy books through Flipkart. And Flipkart decided that I would like to read Fifty Shades of Gray? Maybe? After I finished reading the book I decided that they should definitely overhaul that software.

The title and the cover set you in a mood for that dark and literary writing akin to Josephine Hart, Huxleys, Murakami and others who can can take you on a dark ride with your heart, soul and loins wrung with exquisite roller coaster ride of emotions. Time magazine describes the author as one of the most influential woman and for a first time author this is pathbreaking.

So it was with great expectation that I started reading the book. It was difficult to get past the first chapter and as the book progressed I realized why it was a winner. Hallelujah!!! This was ....a mini booklet of Masters and Johnsons of  "let's do it". I'm sure sales of sex toys and aids has rocketed after the release of this book and the genre is here to stay. Great as a gift to the newly married, to that close friend... welcome to the new world of mommyporn!"

Full review of Fifty Shades of Grey coming up in time for the weekend. Until then, let us know what you think of the book and if you have anything to add to Sujata's piece. 


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